Monday, October 22, 2007

Another Tongue List

Courtesy of John Moore:

73 Things to Do With Your Tongue

1. make trills on a flute
2. make staccato notes on a trumpet
3. pronounce alveolar consonants
4. pronounce velar consonants
5. clean dishes
6. provide sensual pleasure by contact with the outer body of another person
7. be rude to someone
8. help carry out a wine-tasting
9. dislodge stuff from your teeth
10. explore the inside of your mouth for wounds
11. swallowing
12. provide evidence of your health
13. grip food
14. move food around
15. direct spit
16. recognizing the taste of food that's gone off
17. lingual tonsils filter out harmful germs
18. stop saliva dribbling out
19. sculpting ice cream on a cone
20. playing shove football with cherries
21. push food onto the back teeth for grinding
22. saying tongue twisters
23. place in the cheek to say things in a subtly mocking way
24. gauge air temperature
25. find out wind direction
26. convey food items into your mouth
27. when protruding, express eagerness
28. when bitten, stop yourself from saying something stupid
29. sealing envelopes
30. attaching postage stamps
31. cleaning the lenses of spectacles
32. moistening cigarette paper after rolling over tobacco
33. holding it to remain silent
34. aids the prehension of food
35. find out what you're eating
36. when pierced, holding a stud or other adornment
37. when forked, speak dishonestly
38. cleaning fluff out of hard to reach crevices
39. getting sticky stuff off your fingers
40. soothing the pain in your thumb after a blow with a hammer
41. provide sensual pleasure by inserting in another's mouth
42. pass it over your lips to show anticipation
43. stroking your lips to encourage sexual arousal
44. balancing several full wine glasses on it to impress your friends
45. applying it to a part of your boss's anatomy when you're after a raise
46. cleaning your boss's shoes with the same object in mind
47. preening yourself if ever you're asked to do a cat impersonation
48. removing lice etc from your partner when he/she asks you about your animal instincts
49. removing fresh bloodstains from non-porous surfaces
50. removing particles of food from your moustache
51. separating the side of the plastic bags you get in rolls in order to open them
52. temporarily attaching two pieces of paper
53. tut-tutting
54. pronouncing the clicks in African languages
55. microfacial tongue thrusts to show aggression
56. creating works of art as an alternative to finger painting
57. moistening an oboe reed before playing
58. directing the air into a blowpipe
59. wail like Arab women at a funeral or wedding
60. deliver a tongue-lashing
61. annoy someone by tickling them behind the ear
62. picking up toast crumbs off the sheets after breakfast in bed
63. stealing the decoration off the top of a wedding cake
64. temporarily corking a bottle
65. give it to the cat to cheer it up when you want to keep quiet
66. blocking holes on a harmonica to play single notes
67. moisten pages of a book to make them easier to turn
68. opening the window if your hands are full and your nose hurts
69. fold it back to wolf-whistle
70. roll it, make it look like a slug dancing to scare people
71. tickle your upper palette if you are really bored/sexually frustrated
72. stretch your cheek out to pretend you're sucking a boiled sweet
73. catch rain, tears, nose droppings and other falling liquids

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