72 Things to Do With Your Tongue

Compliments of Jason Bredle:

72 Things to Do with Your Tongue

1) Elect a political leader.

2) Decry a political leader.
3) Sign a petition against an action a political leader has recently taken with the environment.

4) Sign a petition against pants.

5) Nod knowingly to a college student canvassing against pants.

6) Take off your pants.

7) Call a friend on the telephone to discuss your mutual hatred of pants.

8) Call a friend on the telephone to discuss your distrust of a political leader.

9) Angrily hang up a telephone and put on pants.

10) Mail a letter to a political leader.

11) Walk about town furiously and with purpose.

12) Forget about love.

13) Remember love.

14) Taste an ice cream sundae.

15) Listen to a friend discuss his recent ordeal with the phone company.

16) Impersonate a snake.

17) Impersonate a lizard.

18) Impersonate a frog.

19) Impersonate a puppy.

20) Impersonate a man walking on the moon.

21) Impersonate a college student angrily canvassing against pants.

22) Audition for the role of Neo-Nazi #1 in a Jerry Bruckheimer production.

23) March into the Gap and tell them exactly how you feel about its new line of pants!

24) Rescue a family from a burning house.

25) Rescue a family from a burning tree house.

26) Rescue a family from a burning houseboat.

27) Watch a total solar eclipse.

28) Win third place in a pie eating contest.

29) Tell a friend you love him or her.

30) Win tickets to a concert after successfully naming a song on a local radio program.

31) Learn to fly a helicopter.

32) Appreciate an opera.

33) Enter a square dancing competition.

33) Enter a break dancing competition.

34) Clean yourself.

35) Earn twenty dollars in a short amount of time.

36) Erect a monument to a political leader.

37) Play a heated game of tic-tac-toe with a friend.

38) Land an airplane.

39) Direct a Broadway musical.

40) Scale a tall building.

41) Judge a beauty contest.

42) Deliver a eulogy.

43) Deliver a package.

44) Deliver a baby.

45) Infuriate a choir.

46) Circumnavigate the globe in a hot air balloon.

47) Build a model airplane.

48) Become the fastest human alive.

49) Become a political leader and eliminate all pants from existence.

50) Edit a literary quarterly.

51) Signal to someone that he or she may cut in front of you.

45) Signal to someone that he or she may not cut in front of you, and doing so will anger you.

52) Participate in a longest tongue contest.

53) Participate in a shortest tongue contest.

54) Perform a sexual act in a pornographic film.

55) Complete a dissertation.

56) Indicate to a person of the opposite sex that you like him or her.

57) Judge a wet t-shirt contest.

58) Submit an abstract to a medical conference.

59) Perform quadruple bypass surgery.
60) Perform quadruple bypass surgery on a horse.

61) Make a watch.

62) Move scorpions from one box into another on a television program.

63) Lose a quarter of a million dollars playing high stakes blackjack in Vegas.

64) Write a detective novel.

65) Solve a murder.

66) Murder a detective.

67) Save a child from a terrible ferris wheel accident.

68) Direct traffic.

69) Beg a debtor to have mercy and not take your finger.

70) Mourn a recent tragedy and honor those who have died in the tragedy.

71) Make love to the person you love.

72) Lick the person you love's ass.